Sleeping progress

I am so happy to report that we are making HUGE progress. I seriously cannot emphasize the HUGE enough. I realized that we were really going into it half heartedly and that's about all we were getting out of it.

Luckily after some much needed convincing from my friends I decided to give the Baby Wise method a try. I knew the basics of Baby Wise and I already had him basically on a 3 hour eat, awake, sleep cycle. But I wasn't strict with it and as you know, the sleeping was being done in our arms and in our bed. So Jocelyn gave me a crash course in putting him to sleep and letting him cry. My friend Erica also let me borrow her Baby Wise book and I quickly read through it to make sure I understood the basics. So with this newfound determination, we were ready to go.

I was happy that it was the weekend and Andrew would be home to help me out. Those first few naps were awful! He would just scream in his crib. I had to leave the apartment so I wouldn't just sit there and cry. He screamed and kicked. After the first 20 minutes of screaming I checked on him and he had kicked himself up to the corner of the crib and was still kicking his head into the crib bars. We didn't put bumpers in his crib because of safety, but I realized that at least for the next few days, we needed them. So I went to Target and got some really cheap ugly ones. (oh well.) So he cried and I cried, but he would fall asleep. It was amazing!

I won't go into all the details of the past 5 days, but things have gotten better. He still cries when we put him down, but it is usually only for about 10 minutes and no more than 20. He is still learning to stay asleep though. At night he has gone anywhere from 1 hour to 4 hours. Naps have been a little different story. He seemed to want to only sleep for 30 minutes for naps. I have gone back and forth whether to let him cry or to go in and get him after these 30 minutes. I've done both. One time I decided to let him cry for 15 minutes and see what happened. After 10 minutes he was back asleep and slept for another hour and 10 minutes! (I actually had to go wake him up to stay on the 3 hour feeding schedule!) But other times I have let him cry up to 30 minutes and he wouldn't go back to sleep. So I think I just need to work on listening to his cry and figuring out why he is crying and then decide whether he will go back to sleep or if he is just done.

Monday I also went back to work. They are being great and really letting me transition slowly back. This week I will keep him with me on deck, but then beginning next week I have one of the swim team parents that will watch him there while I work. I really hope that it is going to work out. I was worried about how it was going to fit into the schedule though, but again my friend Jocelyn saved the day by creating a schedule for me! So we are working on setting that schedule. Yesterday we struggled a little bit, but today, so far, has been spot on! I know that we will continue to have bad naps and bad days, but I know that we are headed in the right direction and that this is the best thing for us.

It is still very difficult to sit and listen to him cry. Andrew and I have both said that even when it is quiet, I think that I hear crying. It's almost like a ringing in my ears. I have to stop and really listen to figure out if it is real or imaginary. I never thought I would be able to let him just cry. And there are times when I still question whether it is the right thing or not. When she heard I was letting him cry, a very sweet lady in my ward made me feel so horrible about it. But I can already see the benefits. During the awake times he is so much happier. He has even gone down to sleep 2 times without crying at all!

So in the last 5 days my life has completely changed. Before this, I was holding a baby all day long. I literally had maybe a total of 20 minutes a day where he would let me put him down. He was sleeping in our bed and so I wasn't sleeping well. That is how life had been for 4 months! I never had any time to get anything done and I was at the end of my rope. In all honesty I came to a point last week where I really thought I just couldn't do it anymore. I was crying all of the time. I was so angry every time Andrew would leave because I just didn't want to be alone anymore. I felt so guilty because I was not loving staying home and being a mom. But I can say now that my desperate prayers were truly answered through my awesome friends. He is sleeping in his crib alone. He takes naps. He lets me put him down and he plays with his toys by himself. He smiles more and in turn ... so do I!